Don’t Be Afraid

Don’t be afraid to make the necessary changes in your life. When I went to therapy on Friday, I had to present one of my stuck points. I hated that session! My therapist, well with his help,  had me to rethink and come up with a replacement thought. The entire process had me drained and feeling like I am crazy. I know if you are suffering from
PTSD, you’ve probably felt like me if you are completing CPT therapy. It helped me to separate thoughts that I had combined together for some reason. I was anxious the whole time. At one point, I wanted to stop the session and move on to something else, but my therapist gently redirected me back to the task at hand.
I don’t like change. I never have. To me, I always feel vulnerable and like I’m under a microscope. I feel like my people can see everything about me that I don’t want others to know. It reminds me of a time when I was in high school. I was next up to give a speech. My teacher had a podium for the students to stand behind. I was very anxious. I began to panic as I walked toward the podium. When I reached the front of the class and started to stand behind it, I knocked the podium down and had the entire class laughing. From that day on…
I’m learning that change can be good. Staying in the same position or routine can sometimes cause a bit of trouble. Besides, I got so complacent with doing things the same way, I  never took the opportunity to learn new things. The routine turned into a habit caused me to think I was doing things right and others are wrong. I was afraid of failing. I felt I would be judged harshly by my peers. Today, I feel good about change in my life. I may feel uncomfortable, but when I feel it’s time, I take things slowly. I am discovering there are new and wonderful things for me to do!

Until next time,
Don’t be afraid of starting over or something new!

I am in control!

This morning I had my coffee at 2 a.m. I couldn’t sleep so, I went to my Pinterest page looked under my depression tab, and opened my tab with Heather Stillufsen quotes. When I don’t know how to put my thoughts into words or when I need some motivation to help me write, her drawings and positive quotes are there.

There are some days when I just don’t want to move. I want to lay in my bed and hide from myself. I found that depression is a self-consuming disorder. It surrounds the person with all the thoughts from the negativity file in your subconscious. My file must be large! Every day I have to fight against these thoughts. I even told my therapist, I would start a log to take with me everywhere to write down the thoughts that I have daily. On the flip side, I now have to come up with a positive thought I believe in to counter the negative one. A very hard task when all you’ve done is file the negative thoughts without ever dealing with them.

I see myself as a very optimistic person. I look for the good in others and the world. I naturally think you start your life from birth as good. It’s what you learn through your journey that makes you bad.

I believe a person has control over his/her life. When trauma happens, we lose control over certain aspects of our lives. One is the way we think about ourselves. If you receive therapy, you are taught how to rethink. You learn to replace those pesky thoughts with wonderful positive ones. You may have your own. You may remember some of your mom’s. The point is to find positivity to help you build a file you can open up and use daily.

The point is you are in control of your emotions. Even when I wake up feeling down, I find a positive thought to help me get out of bed, walk down the hall, brush my teeth, take a shower, walk to the kitchen start my coffee, have a cup as I say another positive affirmation: I am in control of my day! I am in control of my life! Today is going to be a great day because I am alive and I survived!

Until next time,

You are in control!

ertips paint the clouds acHer fingertips paint the clouds across the sky
When tears fall her lover knows why
With the sun he kisses her eyes dry
From the warm water, his arms wrap around her hips
Before she speaks the stars touch her lips
Catching her breath the moon shines on her face
With each blow of the wind, her heart starts to race.

Chocolate Dove

12/11/2017