Today is cloudy with signs of rain. I had a therapy appointment at 10:15 but missed it. I’m feeling a little grey. I talk in colors in reference to the season, time of day, weather, and my personal feelings. I can describe things better this way.
Well, I woke up and realized I hadn’t made a list of things for me to accomplish for the day. If that doesn’t happen, my day is usually messed up. I stayed in bed for awhile. With PTSD, you have good days and bad days. You sometimes don’t have choice in what’s happening. Thoughts and memories may flood your mind. Today, that’s what’s going on with me. If I would have kept my therapy appointment, we would have worked on the CBT program my therapist has set up for me. I haven’t revisited the incident since ’97. I never really dealt with the root of the PTSD until now. Every Psychiatrist and therapist has mainly suggested medications.
I am really anxious about dealing with the root of these thoughts, but I know it is a great part of my healing. So, I guess you too will want to know why I’m stuggling. I will tell you more tomorrow.